Lately I’ve been seeing tons of blogs advising us silly fools of everything we’ve been saying that has been offending people with life-paths different from our own. Examples: “10 Things Not to Say to a Working Mom“; “20 Things You Shouldn’t Say to People Without Kids“; “7 Things You Don’t Say to Chihuahua Owners“; “125 Things to NEVER Tell a ‘New Mom”. And I’m over here like, “I ain’t saying shit to anyone anymore.” Because I am that socially awkward blabber-mouth who has probably said every offensive phrase on every single list (including: “How do you not accidentally step on your Chihuahua?”)
If any of you have ever felt like you just don’t know what is the right thing to say, allow me to throw you a bone here. The one area in life where I believe I have some knowledge is as a “New Mom”. Now, I’m no expert and I haven’t taken a poll, but based on my own experience, here are some things I believe you’d be safe to say to a mom with a new babe at home:
1. “What do you want from Tim Hortons/the store/Sushi Ya/the LC (jk…maybe) ?”
Basically, always assume a mom with a newborn wants something from somewhere. Especially if it’s a place involved with the production/sale of food. When you haven’t showered, changed out of your pj’s, and have a baby that wants to be fed every 2 hours, its not always easy for Mom to get out of the house.
So if you’re in the neighborhood of your New Mom friend, don’t be a afraid to swing by with a treat. It’s all about the treats, people! Those treats are well-deserved!
2. “He / She (baby) looks so healthy!”
If you have any thoughts otherwise, try to keep it on the DL because despite the baby’s appearance (small, red, yellow, misshapen head, gigantic) the baby is probably perfectly healthy. If there were anything to “worry“ about, Mom is already aware. “Oh, she has baby acne????! Thank you for letting me know because I haven’t even looked at her at all since she’s been home from the hospital!”
Plus, its really easy to freak out a new mom.
3. “You’re a natural!”
Positive encouragement only please! It’s hard getting the hang of things, give her a break! In the early days, nothing felt better than positive reassurance from friends and family. Sometimes there’s so much well-meaning advice coming from so many directions, it can make your head spin. I think its important for new moms to feel secure with their own maternal abilities and its sometimes discouraging to be given so many pointers! Sensitivity is key!
4. “I want to come by for 10 minutes to see the baby! Let me know whenever works!”
She will let you know, or she might not. Don’t take it personally if she doesn’t. Some moms are like, “Oh yeah! Come anytime! Door’s always open!” But for others, visiting is the last thing she wants to take part in while still adjusting to having a newborn at home. Understandably, its awkward trying to carry on a conversation while breast-feeding, burping, diaper-changing, and bouncing a crying baby.
I was horribly anti-social when Hayden was born. I thought, “Why is everyone so obsessed with seeing the baby!??!!” Because before I had a baby of my own, I didn’t really give a F about babies. But I totally get it now and this time around I will try to be more hospitable.
5. “What can I help you with around the house?”
Maybe some babies only sleep and eat and let their moms get stuff done, but mine did not. Wherever I went, Hayden went. Otherwise, I was listening to her cry which I didn’t like to do (what mom does?) But I totally didn’t mind holding her all the time! I never wanted to put her down and I loved every second of it! Sometimes she was fine in her Ergo-Baby carrier, but only as long as we kept moving! Meaning, no standing at the sink washing dishes, or sitting on the couch folding laundry.
People would always think that I needed a break from Hayden so they’d come and take her and say “Go do something!” Then I would drag my feet to the sink and wash the dishes and listen to someone else try to calm down my baby in the living room, longing to go “save” her. But, its my own fault, because I always felt bad asking other people to do my house-work.
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I could go on and on about all my experiences, but I actually read somewhere that’s something you’re not supposed to do to a new mom, or people without children, so I’ll leave it at that. For now. Muahahaha.
Xoxo Liza
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